I'll Be Here (Matters of the Heart Book 2) Read online

  table of contents

  Title Page

  Free Book

  List of Spanish Words

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Author's Note

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Books by Yesenia Vargas

  Dedication

  Copyright

  I'll Be Here

  a novel by

  Yesenia Vargas

  Free Book!

  Meet Ariana and Carlos.

  Ariana never would have guessed finally having a boyfriend would come at such a huge price.

  She doesn’t know how long she can keep up the lie to her parents.

  And she never realized how much her heart might have to pay if this relationship isn’t something Carlos is ready for.

  Read their story now. Sign up at http://smarturl.it/yvfreebook2

  I’ll send you the prequel to the Changing Hearts series for free as a small thank you when you sign up for my exclusive book updates :)

  You’ll also have access to free advanced review copies, exclusive reader giveaways, and sneak peeks of what I’m working on next.

  You can unsubscribe at any time.

  Get started at http://smarturl.it/yvfreebook2.

  List of Commonly Used Spanish Words

  tía: aunt

  tío: uncle

  mija: shortened version of mi hija, or my daughter; commonly used by mothers, aunts, or other older female figures to younger girls or women

  mijo: shortened version of mi hijo, or my son; commonly used by older figures to younger boys or men

  pobre: poor thing

  claro: of course

  chapter one

  It’s been one year. One year since the first day of 11th grade and Brian moved back.

  And less than six months since he left again.

  Adam had left too. He decided to leave after he told me how he really felt about me and I chose to stay with Brian.

  After I said I just didn’t like him as more than a friend. My best friend.

  Within the space of two months last year, I had lost Brian, the guy I couldn’t help but fall for and my first boyfriend, and my best friend, Adam.

  Brian had left with his family for good, moved back to Mexico after the death of his little sister became too much for them to deal with here. Adam had moved away to another school. So he could try to forget me.

  But now Adam is back.

  And it’s senior year, and Brian’s not here and I try not to remember the fact that I feel completely empty inside without him.

  Instead, I shut my locker door. Hard.

  The pang rings through my ears, but I still can’t forget how much I still miss Brian. And how much I don’t want to be here right now.

  I want to ignore everybody. That feels like the right plan. It’s not that I’ve never felt like this. I don’t have many friends at school, and that’s on purpose. I hate shallow, self-centered people, which means I dislike 95% of the people in this building. But this year, it’s even worse. Everything reminds me that Brian is gone.

  He’s in a different country, thousands of miles away.

  I remember walking through these hallways with him, kissing him, holding his hand, just looking into his eyes or laughing. I hate to think about it, but it still hurts.

  Still hurts that I cared enough for him to be able to feel this pain.

  I guess he didn’t care enough to stay.

  I shut that thought away. I guess that’s not true. He had no choice but to leave because that’s what his family wanted. To move back to Mexico.

  I walk through the hallways, glancing at my schedule one more time to make sure I’m headed to the right class.

  I can’t help but feel almost overwhelmed at this very moment. It’s only day one of 180 days of misery and torture before I’m free. Before I don’t have to see these people ever again if I can help it.

  I have plenty of time to get to first period, but I have nowhere else to be right now. No one to really hang out with.

  No one that I really want to hang out with.

  I could go to the cafeteria, but I already had some breakfast at home, and I don’t feel like just sitting there. So I’ll take my time getting to class instead, and then I’ll just sit at my desk and contemplate how much I wish I wasn’t here.

  Damn. I should take up journaling or something. Get all this angst out. But I’m not sure any amount of writing and doodling will help me forget Brian and the fact that he’s gone.

  ###

  As if things weren’t bad enough without Brian gone, Adam is back.

  After moving away because he was determined to forget about me, he had changed his mind and moved back in with his dad. Much to his mom’s dismay, I hear.

  I know that sounds weird or ironic or something because I just whined that he was my best friend and he left.

  But honestly, things would be a lot simpler if I could just miss him and keep hating him for leaving too.

  Now things are going to be weird and awkward and just not the same. And I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with that just now.

  I haven’t seen Adam in person up until now. He just moved back into town a few weeks ago, but we haven’t hung out or anything. I kept making excuses so we’ve only texted really. But now I can’t avoid him any longer. I’ll probably have a couple of classes with him again. And I don’t even know how to act around him anymore.

  I don’t know if he feels like my best friend anymore. I don’t know. I guess I’ll see sooner or later.

  Adam is around here somewhere. I’m sure he’s texted me, but I don’t even want to look at my phone to see. It’s on silent right now.

  I try not to look at the couples I see here and there. People already making out and holding hands, trying not to do other stuff in public. Then there’s always that one couple, of course, who just doesn’t seem to care that everyone’s watching their non-PG-13 moves.

  Ugh.

  I turn the corner and keep going, quickening my pace.

  I should be happy that Adam’s back, but I’m not. I try to think about why else that is. Why I don’t really want to run into him right now.

  I know why.

  Because I know why he’s back. He hasn’t said anything yet, but he will. He knows Brian is gone, and I know that he still has this idea in his head that we can be something more.

  But I don’t know how else to tell him that we can’t be something more. I don’t want to be anything more than just friends. Not while Brian is still stuck inside my head.

  Even though I know I’ll never see him again. I wish things could be back to the way they used to be. Even if I’d never seen Brian again, if he’d never moved back, I wish I could at least have things the way they used to be with Adam.

  But they can’t. Because you can’t be just friends anymore. Not after that kiss last year. He’ll always want to be more. And I’ll never be a
ble to be more than just a friend to Adam.

  He was my best friend for years, the best friend and the only friend I had when I needed a friend most and didn’t have anyone else. And I don’t know how I’ll ever repay him for that. All I can do is be his friend.

  But I’m not sure I know how to be his friend.

  chapter two

  “Hey,” Adam says. We’re in third period. Economics.

  I hate this class already. Not because Adam is here. I just don’t like this teacher. It’s the football coach, and already the whole class can tell it’s going to be day after day of endless note-taking from the projector.

  He has his thirty-year-old notes ready to go for us and everything.

  Some of the class has already taken out some notebook paper and is starting to write them down. Or taking pictures.

  I don’t feel like doing either just yet.

  “Hey,” I reply to Adam. I give him a quick glance, but I can’t bring myself to look at him longer than that. Not when he’s looking at me. I feel like he can see right through me. Which he probably always could, but it was different back then.

  Before Brian and how he left me in pieces inside.

  I don’t like Adam being able to see that.

  Adam is sitting in front of me, like he always does. He’s turned sideways in his seat to he can look at me and around the room.

  When he’s turned away, I can’t help but really look at him for a second or two. It’s been months since I’ve seen him, and just like several people in senior year, he looks older.

  His skin is tanner, like he’d spent the summer at the pool, and he’d grown a couple inches.

  His arm rests on my desk, and I notice Adam’s also gained some muscle.

  I remind myself that this is the same Adam.

  His green eyes meet mine for a second before I look away again.

  “So how was your summer?” Ugh, small talk. I hate the small talk, especially coming from Adam.

  “I think you already know,” I say.

  It’s like that the rest of the class as we take notes and when we have a couple minutes at the end of the class to pack up.

  When we’re walking to our next class.

  I breathe a sigh of relief when we have to go our separate ways.

  I don’t think we have lunch together this year. I should be disappointed because I won’t really have anyone to sit with, maybe Bailey, but right now, I just don’t care.

  I need a break from everything.

  I kind of just want to go home.

  And maybe I could if I really wanted. I’d finally gotten a car over the summer. A late birthday present/you made it to senior year of high school without getting pregnant present from my mom and aunt and uncle. My mom had been quietly saving up for it, and my tía and uncle had pitched in too so I could have it in time for senior year.

  So I could just grab my keys and go, but I think the security guard asks for a signed note from the front office when you leave, and I don’t think speeding by him is a smart way to start the year.

  I look at my schedule. I have a computer class up next, a couple more academics, and then one free period at the end of the day. They have to let me leave then.

  In the meantime, I have to deal with Adam and everyone else.

  I see Adam again in science before my free period. Turns out he has a free period too.

  And it’s not like I can hide my schedule from him without looking like an ass. So I let him grab it from my binder. He scans it and looks at me.

  “You got a free period too.”

  I nod. “Yep.”

  “We should go get something to eat.”

  “We just had lunch less than two hours ago, Adam.”

  He shrugs. “Dessert?”

  I almost feel bad for him. It’s not his fault I’m not in the right place right now. Not his fault I just don’t see him the way he wants to.

  “Okay,” I say. “Your treat. Ice cream.”

  And no, it’s not a date, I want to say.

  Adam looks like he just won the lottery.

  ###

  I focus on the creamy mint chocolate chip ice cream in front of me and how cool it feels in my mouth. I’m not a big sweets person, but I can always go for a cone of mint choco-chip ice cream.

  Especially from this place. It’s a local ice cream and desserts shop, and it’s pretty popular. It’s the first day of school, and a Monday, but it’s already half-packed with other students, kids, and parents.

  Celebrating, I guess. That summer is finally over, and the kids will be gone most of the day again. That’s what my mom says, anyways. I can see where she comes from. My two younger brothers are another year older as of last month, and they seem to get more annoying with each year that passes by.

  They’re not like Leslie, Michelle, or Sammy. Brian’s brother and sisters. They’re like the sweetest kids I know. I love my brothers and all that, but they can get pretty rowdy. Even my aunt has been having a hard time dealing with them lately.

  “What’s on your mind?” Adam asks.

  I shrug. “Nothing. Why?”

  Now Adam shrugs. “You just seem to have a lot on your mind is all.”

  I sigh. “Nope.”

  More silence.

  I glance at Adam slowly spooning strawberry ice cream into his mouth. I look away. Is it me or is his voice a little deeper now?

  “It must be hard,” Adam says after I’ve looked away.

  “What must be hard?” I ask, but I have a feeling I shouldn’t have asked that. I know what he means.

  And I don’t want to talk about it.

  “Brian leaving,” he begins. “I know you liked him. A lot.”

  I keep my eyes down on my ice cream.

  “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. About that and for me leaving. I shouldn’t have put that kind of pressure on you. I shouldn’t have left because you didn’t want to be with me.”

  I look Adam in the eye. I don’t know what I want to say. If I should say anything.

  A second or two passes before I respond. “I’m sorry, too.”

  Now it’s Adam’s turn to stare.

  “For hurting you. For making you feel like you had no other choice but to leave. I wish things hadn’t turned out they way they did.” I watch a stream of melted ice cream slide down my cone and wipe it away with a napkin. “Everything. It was all a disaster.”

  I swallow, ignoring the frog in my throat that is threatening to come up. I clench my teeth together, determined to get through this conversation.

  “It’s not your fault,” Adam says quietly. “I can tell you guys really liked each other.”

  We don’t say anything for a minute.

  “I know it still hurts,” he says. “But I want to you to know that I’ll be here for you. I know that maybe you’ll never see me the way I see you. And I’m okay with that, Katia. I get it. But I’ll always be your friend. And I hope that one day, maybe, you’ll see how much I care about you, and maybe you’ll start to care for me in the same way.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but he stops me by putting his hand in the air.

  “I’m not here to pressure you or to make you like me like that. I’m just here to be your friend. No more than that. But maybe someday we can be something more. I’m just asking that you at least consider that possibility. Someday. Not now. Not today. Someday.”

  ###

  Not today. Someday.

  I keep hearing Adam’s words in my head. They won’t leave, even if I close my eyes and wrap myself in blankets and bury my head in my pillow.

  I love Adam, but I don’t think I can ever love him like that. I get it. This must not be easy for him either, but I kind of wish he hadn’t said all of those things today.

  It would make things between us a lot simpler.

  Make senior year a lot easier, maybe more fun.

  It’s only August now, but I can’t help but wish it was May already, that graduation was here so I could move on
from high school.

  I know some people say that high school creates memories that you’ll never forget, people you’ll always keep in touch with for the rest of your life, but I don’t know that I agree with that statement.

  Other than Adam and Brian, I can’t think of anyone else I would say I’d want to keep in touch with for the rest of my life.

  Brian, yes, but he’s already long gone, and we’d stopped talking. Despite promising to stay in touch, I don’t know, it just had become too painful, and I’d stopped answering his video calls and then his texts.

  Finally, he had stopped calling or trying to get in touch with me a few weeks ago. I guess he’s moved on.

  I don’t think I have, not all the way yet, but I think this will be better for the both of us. No sense in drawing out the pain of being hundreds of miles away from each other. No longer able to touch, kiss, or even see each other in person.

  I push back the frog in my throat and peek out from under the covers. I look out my window and notice how nice the weather is today. Hot, full of sunshine while my room is dark and lonely.

  This is how I prefer it.

  My aunt keeps saying how I need to go out more, especially since it’s my senior year.

  But it’s only four o’clock and I’m already in an old t-shirt and gym shorts.

  “It only happens once, mija,” she keeps saying, but the last time she’d said that when I’d stayed home another Friday night, I kind of snapped at her and she finally left it alone.

  I’d felt bad after that because I’ve never, ever been rude to my aunt. She’s been like another mother, actually like the perfect combination of best girl friend and mother, to me, and she didn’t deserve it.

  I know that if I’d snapped like that to my mom, she might’ve hit me upside the head.

  I sit up as there’s a knock at my door. I check the time on my phone real quick as my tía yells, “Katia, there’s someone here to see you!”

  It’s the tone of her voice that makes me look up from my screen. She sounds, I don’t know, a little giddy? Which makes me think it must be a guy at the door. Definitely someone interesting.