I'll Be Here (Matters of the Heart Book 2) Read online

  Which makes me think it must be Adam. He’s the only one who knows where I live. He’s never come over before, though. We’ve hung out here and there on a weekend, but for the most part, we’ve always just hung out at school because he knows I hate going out.

  I put my phone in my back pocket as I stand up and glance in my bedroom mirror. I look horrible, of course, from lying in bed since I got home about an hour ago. My hair is messy and my t-shirt is kind of wrinkly.

  “Katia, did you hear me?” my aunt says from the other side of my bedroom door.

  “Uh, yeah, I’m coming.” I fix my hair as best as I can, but I still pretty much look homeless. I glance outside my window.

  Weird. That’s not Adam’s car. Maybe it’s his dad’s or something.

  I head out of my room, and my aunt is right there waiting.

  “You won’t believe who it is,” she whispers, but I barely hear her.

  I’m already thinking about what I’m going to say to Adam.

  Hi, Adam, yes, how nice to see you, and, no, I didn’t forget how you’re in love with me, but I just saw you an hour ago, and I kinda want to be alone right now. I promise I’ll see you at school tomorrow.

  If I don’t decide to move away from everyone by then.

  I’m already halfway through saying Adam’s name when I turn at the end of the hallway to reach the front door.

  I stop dead in my tracks, though, because this is definitely not Adam at my front door.

  Nope.

  And I turn around to find my tía about half an inch behind me with about the same look on her face (except now she’s also looking at my hair like she wants to cry on my behalf), and I know that I’m not seeing things right now even though I have a very strong urge to pinch myself.

  I turn back around. “Brian.”

  He stares back at me, and a small smile forms on his face. “Katia.”

  chapter three

  “Uh,” I stammer. “What are you doing here?”

  My tía gives a small but powerful cough from behind me, and I realize what I just said.

  Really, Katia? What are you doing here? After not seeing Brian for months, that’s what you have to say?

  Now I want to die.

  “I’m back,” Brian says quietly, the smile kind of disappearing from his face.

  “Brian, it’s nice to see you,” my tía says, stepping in between us with a huge smile. I can always count on her to be all enthusiastic and stuff. “Why don’t you come in? Where are your parents? How are they? And your brother and sisters? They must be so excited to be back.”

  Brian takes a step inside our house, carefully wiping his feet on the welcome mat.

  I notice how old and worn his shoes look. His clothes. They’re dirty and kind of ragged. And he looks like he hasn’t showered in a few days either. His skin is darker and has a sheen of sweat on it, like he walked here.

  But most of all, Brian’s different again.

  If he had gone from boy to teen when I first saw him again last year, this time he’s undergone another transformation.

  From teenager to man.

  It’s weird to see how much tanner he is, to see how much more noticeable the veins on his arms are. And I swear he’s taller.

  His face just doesn’t say teenager anymore. He’s really grown up in the last few months.

  I wonder if I’ve changed as much. Doubtful.

  “Actually, it’s just me.” He glances back at his ride, and I notice that it’s an old truck and it’s pulling out of our driveway. “The rest of my family is still in Mexico.”

  “Te veniste solo?” my tía says, aghast. Brian had made the journey back to the United States on his own?

  Brian nods. “Two days ago. I just got here, actually.” He looks back at the porch past the still-open front door, and I notice a small backpack he’d set down.

  “That’s all you brought with you?” my tía asks.

  Brian nods.

  “Let’s get you something to eat, then. You must be so tired. I wish you’d let us know. Oh, I would have been so worried. You must be tired.”

  My tía goes on and on, and she’s already pulling Brian to the kitchen and whipping out plates and cups and silverware. Dinner is going on the stove.

  “Dinner will be ready in no time, mijo. But tell me, where are you staying?”

  “With my uncle,” he says. “He’ll be finished with work soon, and I’ve asked him to pick me up.”

  All this time, I’m just kind of standing there, still not really believing that Brian is in my kitchen right now. He keeps looking at me, just a few seconds at a time in between answering all of my tia’s questions.

  It’s hard to meet his eyes.

  “And how are your parents? Your mother?” my tía asks as she sets down a big steaming plate of food in front of Brian.

  “Gracias,” he says, taking a seat. I take a seat across from him. My tía brings me a plate of food too, and before I can tell her that I’m not hungry, because how can I even eat at a time like this, she’s already back at the stove flipping tortillas for us.

  Her phone buzzes, and she pulls it out of her apron. “It’s your uncle. I’ll be right back,” she says, and she answers the call and walks into the other room. But not before setting down about a dozen hot handmade tortillas between me and Brian.

  Okay, this just got awkward.

  “Hey,” he says quietly.

  It takes me a second to respond, to want to respond. “Hey.”

  “It’s good to see you.”

  All I can do is nod and look down at my food.

  “Can we talk?” he asks. I look back up at him. Do I want to talk? Part of me is saying, are you crazy? Of course you want to talk to Brian. You want to do way more than talk.

  It’s Brian, my heart says. He’s safe.

  No, another part of me says. He’s not. He left.

  And even though that bigger part of me is scared, I nod one more time. “Okay.”

  My tía comes back in with a million more questions and makes sure Brian has something to drink and enough to eat, about twice as much as a normal human being.

  But I’m surprised when he finishes it all. I think about what the past two days must have been like for him.

  He must be really hungry. He’s thinner than I remember. I notice his collar bone a bit more, and his eyes look a bit sunken in.

  He starts telling my tía about the trip here, through the desert and across el río. El río grande, the Grande River, which forms the Mexican-Texas border. How his group had almost been caught, but they’d finally crossed the border and been given a ride to Georgia.

  “I wasn’t even the youngest of the group,” he says, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “There were two other guys who were fifteen at most. And a girl, who was maybe a year younger than me.”

  My tía covers her mouth. “Pobre. The trip is dangerous already without being a young girl, alone, with no one to protect you.”

  Brian nods, and I can tell this is a bit hard for him to talk about. “I tried to help them out as best as I could. She reminded me a little bit of my sister, Michelle, but we got separated right before we tried to cross. I don’t know what happened to her.”

  “How horrible,” my tía says, sitting down now that everything on the stove is turned off. “The things people have to do, have to risk, to make it to the United States for a better life. And so many people here that just don’t appreciate it.”

  We sit there in silence for a few seconds.

  I try to wrap my head around what Brian just talked about. It’s hard to imagine what it must really be like to have to literally walk through a hot desert for a day or more. Had he been thirsty the whole time? Hungry?

  Had his life been in danger while I slept last night?

  I glance at him as he gives a small cough.

  We’re both done eating. I’d finished long before Brian, not eating a third of what was on my plate because I could hardly stop staring at him.
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  Now there’s a million other things I want to ask him, especially about Michelle, Sammy, and Leslie.

  I imagine their faces, and my chest gives a pang at the thought that they’re not here.

  My tía finally realizes that Brian must want to speak to me alone because he gives her another thanks and she clears his plate. “You two must want to catch up. Let me get out of your way.”

  “It’s okay, tía,” I say. “We can talk outside.”

  My tía gives me a look and nods, and Brian and I get up and head outside.

  At first, I lead us to the porch steps, but then I see our old swing set, and I lead us there instead.

  We sit next to each other, like we did so many months ago when Brian had told me he and his family were leaving again, for good this time.

  Except now he’s here to tell me that he’s back.

  And my first question: why?

  ###

  “I almost forgot how beautiful you are,” Brian says quietly, and I immediately look away, refusing to feel the butterflies in my stomach.

  I swallow. “Why are you back, Brian?” I ask. “What happened? I thought you were gone for good.”

  I can’t help but sound kind of angry, because honestly, I am. I have a thought to just get off this swing, walk away, and make things difficult for Brian, not even hear what he has to say, but I stay seated on the black rubber swing next to him.

  Brian looks down this time, and he says, “There are a few reasons, but one of the biggest ones is to keep my promise.”

  He looks at me, waiting for a response. When I don’t give him one, he goes on. “I told you one day I’d be back, and here I am.”

  “But you left,” is all I can say. “You left.”

  It’s like there are no other words I can say to him right now.

  I look away.

  “I know,” I hear him say. “Believe me, it wasn’t easy. But I had to do what my parents thought was best.”

  It’s like I get it, but I don’t want to.

  I just nod.

  “Katia, my father had a stroke.”

  I look at him, blinking quickly. “Huh?”

  “The doctors say he’s doing okay, but he hasn’t been able to work. I had to find a job, and some of our relatives tried to help, but it wasn’t enough. Not with all the medical expenses.

  “That’s the main reason I came back. I’ll be working here and sending money back to them until we can get on our feet again.”

  And of course, the first selfish thought that comes into my mind and then out of my mouth is this: “So this is just temporary?”

  Now it’s Brian’s turn to remain speechless.

  Finally, he says,” I don’t know what this is yet. It could be temporary. Maybe I’ll stay for good. I don’t know.”

  He says it like it’s up to me to decide, but no way. That is not my choice. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

  “What about your siblings?” I ask after a minute. “Are they coming back?”

  He shrugs. “Leslie and Sammy just want to stay with my parents. They actually really like it in Guerrero, but Michelle keeps saying how she wants to come back and live with me, at least until she can graduate high school.

  “She’s supposed to be starting ninth grade this year, but over there it’s called bachillerato. Anyway, my parents keep saying no way, she’s part of the reason they moved away, so she could get better, but she argues that she never wanted to leave. That we did it so my mom could be closer to Jazmin, but she wants to finish school here, that school over there has been too hard. I don’t know. I kind of feel bad for her. She has papers, and I could technically be her legal guardian now that I’m eighteen, but I agree with my parents. She needs to be with them. I’m barely supposed to be graduating myself this year.”

  He looks down at that.

  “Brian, you need to be in school. So you can walk across that stage like your mom and dad wanted.”

  He nods. “I wish, but I can’t. I need to work as many hours as I can, and I can’t do that if I’m stuck in school all day.”

  I feel frustrated. Frustrated for Brian and the sucky hand he’s been dealt, him and his whole family really.

  But I also feel frustrated at the fact that he’s back. Not that I’m not happy to see him. I think I am, but I know why he made my house the first stop on his journey back. My heart beats like crazy at the thought of it, but my brain is screaming at me to get away.

  I can tell from the look on his face that he’s about to complicate things.

  “Anyway, there’s a more important reason I’m here, Katia, besides to help my family.”

  I forget how to breathe for a millisecond as he looks right into my eyes. I hold his gaze for a couple of seconds, but then I have to look away.

  He gently grabs hold of my chin and turns my face back towards his.

  “I’m here to start over with you. To pick up where we left off…I know it must have been hard for you. It was for me too, but I’m here again now. And you’re all I care about.”

  I take the hand he has on my chin, and I set it down slowly.

  “Brian,” I start, but I don’t know how to continue. “I’m not saying this to hurt you…but everything’s different. It feels different. I don’t know if I can do this with you again.” I say it fast, before my brain changes its mind.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “For leaving. You must hate me for it. I can tell. But I’m here to show you how much you mean to me, and no matter how long it takes, I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

  I don’t say anything.

  “I’ll do whatever it takes,” he says. “I’ll wait until you’re ready to be with me again. I’m a patient guy.”

  That’s when I look up at him. “Well then, there’s something you should know. I mean, you’ll find out eventually anyway.”

  He looks puzzled as I go on.

  “Adam is back too, Brian, and for the exact same reason as you. And I don’t mean the whole family thing.”

  chapter four

  Brian is finally gone. My tía had actually offered to let him stay downstairs in one of the finished rooms that her older sons used to live in but have been empty since before summer, but he was too polite to accept. He said that he would be staying at his uncle’s for the time-being, until he could save up enough money for his own place after he turned eighteen.

  I think about that. It must be cool to be able to do that, get your own place before you’re even technically supposed to be out of high school, but then I remember the reason why he has to do that. He’s here pretty much on his own, with the exception of his uncle, who is unmarried and lives on his own too.

  But he won’t really have anyone to take care of him, someone like his mom or my tía. That’s what my aunt says when I explain to her about his uncle. She says it’s a little sad, and we need to be checking up on him, making sure he has everything he needs. He’s not even adult yet, she says.

  And she’s right. I can’t wait to be on my own come next year after I graduate, but even if I want to, I may not be able to move out right away. Not if I don’t get a job and have money saved up.

  But Brian’s already on his own because he has to. I wonder how hard that’s going to be for him.

  Then I wonder how hard this is all going to be for me.

  Just a few months ago, I might have done anything to have Adam or Brian back. It would have been unimaginable that they might both one day come back here. But they are.

  They’re both back.

  Except I never realized how complicated that could be. Because Adam is here to “win my heart.” And so is Brian.

  I mean, this almost feels like a bad chick flick, the kind with the love triangles that I can’t stand.

  Well, guess what?

  I am now effectively in the middle of one.

  ###

  I bet every girl in high school in their wrong mind dreams of being in the middle of a love triangle.

  Two guys, bot
h swooning over you, doing whatever it takes to make you their girlfriend.

  Claim you as theirs.

  Yeah, not me.

  There is little in the world that disturbs me more, I think.

  Back when Adam had first declared that he liked me like that, I had just told him no, pretty much, that I couldn’t like him like that, that I was with Brian.

  In his mind, I had picked Brian over him, but in reality, it had never been a choice. That may sound cheesy as hell, but it’s true. I’d never had feelings for Adam. Not really. Maybe one time when he’d first moved here, and I’d developed a small and temporary crush on him, but then poof, it had been gone, and we had emerged best friends.

  Only best friends.

  It had hurt me to tell him that last year, to see him so hurt that he felt his only option was to run away and move in with his mom two hours away.

  Essentially, get far away from me and the world of hurt I’d caused him.

  I can’t do that to him again.

  It was bad enough losing him the first time, but at the same time, aren’t I leading him on if I don’t say something now?

  He asked to just give him time, which to me sounded like zero commitment, but now Brian is back too, and he’s asking for the same thing.

  And I don’t know if I can shut him down either. Part of me doesn’t want to, but a bigger part of me also doesn’t want to make any kind of decision right now.

  Ugh.

  I hate high school.

  ###

  After a couple of weeks of Brian coming over to see me, I let him know it’s too much.

  “Listen,” I say. “My mom and aunt think we’re going out again.”

  He gives me a small smile and puts his hand on top of mine. “I want that. Don’t you?”

  I sigh. “Brian, it’s not that simple, okay? I told you before, it’s not easy with both you and Adam wanting this from me. It’s stressing me out, to be honest. You know I hate any kind of drama.”

  He doesn’t flinch. “But you said you don’t like Adam like that. Has that changed?”

  “No,” I say right away, but then I pause. “I don’t know. What I do know is that this is too much right now.” I stand up from where we’d been sitting on the porch steps. “It’s not that I’m not happy you’re back,” I say, seeing the look on his face. “It’s just a lot right now. And after last year…”