#MeantToBe Read online

  After failing to do so, Brooklyn laughed out loud. She clutched at her belly, and I watched her, laughing too. We watched several people run to and from cars, books over their heads, and then we just gave up on attempting to stay out of the storm.

  Our clothes were dripping wet for the second time, so what was the point?

  I stuffed the broken umbrella into a trash can, and we ran all the way to her dorm.

  Instead of saying goodbye, though, we turned and stood by the covered entrance, just catching our breaths for a minute or two.

  “It got dark,” Brooklyn observed, staring up at the gray sky. Just a couple of hours ago, the sun had been out, and now it was completely hidden.

  “Yep,” I said. “I love a good storm, though.”

  Brooklyn looked at me, a grin on her face and not a strand of hair dry. I liked the look on her. “Me too,” she said.

  Another flash of lightning lit up the sky, and a few seconds later, the sound of thunder shook the world around us. Brooklyn jumped the slightest bit, but it was obvious she was in awe.

  We stayed like that for a while, just listening and watching, until I interrupted the silence. “Sorry, my umbrella didn’t work.”

  “It’s okay. That was actually kind of fun. Reminds me of when I used to do that all the time as a kid.” Brooklyn replied.

  I smiled as I imagined a ten-year-old Brooklyn doing that. Jumping through puddles in the pouring rain.

  She began to shiver, and I wished I had a jacket to offer her.

  “You should head inside,” I said.

  The rain slowed down, and she took a few steps toward the double doors into her dorm. “Thanks for walking me,” she said. “I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun.”

  I grinned. “Me too.”

  Her smile grew wide at that, reaching her eyes, and I wished I could have frozen that moment in time forever.

  I couldn’t help it. My gaze flickered down to her mouth. She did the same.

  Realizing what I wanted to do, my smile began to falter. Hers did the same.

  Something in Brooklyn’s eyes changed, and I got the sense that she wanted this too.

  I took a step toward her, and when she didn’t move from where she stood, I leaned down slightly, slowly putting my mouth on hers.

  My eyes closed on their own as my lips moved against hers.

  Then I slid my hands up her arms, touching the cool rain on her bare skin.

  The taste and feel of her was everything, and I never wanted to let go.

  But then we opened our eyes and pulled away, just as out of breath as when we first ran here a few minutes ago.

  Brooklyn’s eyes met mine, and neither of us said anything. The only thing I knew was that I needed her like nothing else in my life.

  So before we completely came apart, I leaned down and I kissed her again, and this time, she pulled me to her.

  I kissed her a little harder. I took another step towards her, closing the gap between us. My hands went to the small of her back while her arms wrapped around my neck. The feeling of her hands on me rocked my world.

  When we pulled apart again, it was for good. The rain had stopped, and no one was out there except for us.

  We each took a step back, no longer touching. I searched her face for a reaction, but Brooklyn stared at the ground.

  Had that really just happened?

  My heart kept on pounding with excitement, and I wondered if Brooklyn felt the same. I waited for her to look up at me and meet my eyes, and when she finally did, she gave me a small smile. “I’ll see you later?”

  “Yeah,” I replied. “I’d like that.”

  She turned around and pulled open the door, giving me one last glance. And then she was gone.

  Next thing I knew, I’d arrived back at my dorm, not quite sure how I’d gotten there.

  I was only sure of one thing.

  I was falling for Brooklyn.

  Hard.

  Ten

  It wasn’t until I lay down in bed and stared at the ceiling that it truly hit me.

  I had kissed him. I had kissed Adam.

  What shocked me the most was that I had really liked it.

  Really, really liked it.

  My stomach immediately turned with guilt, and I clutched it and rolled onto my side, but the feeling wouldn’t go away.

  Tears filled my eyes, and I tried to understand why. A frog rose in my throat.

  Why did it feel like I’d just betrayed Ethan in the worst possible way?

  A sob escaped my throat, and the tears finally rolled down my face and onto the pillow.

  I pulled up the covers until I was completely under them.

  How had I let this happen?

  Kissing Adam meant that Ethan and I were really over.

  Yeah, he had said we were over that afternoon on the way home from the game. But we weren’t really broken up, were we?

  But maybe that was why he hadn’t called or texted in the last week and a half. Maybe we were really over, and I just didn’t know it.

  Even though, I hadn’t bothered to talk to him or work things out, part of me had expected him to come back to me one more time. To apologize for all of his recent blow-ups, for us to go back to the way we were.

  Just like we always did.

  But we’d never stayed broken up this long. Not for more than a few days.

  Maybe it really was over. Maybe he’d moved on.

  How could he?

  How could I?

  No, I couldn’t do that. And I knew Ethan. I knew us. This was just another fight. We’d get back together because we always did.

  But then my mind jumped back to Adam and the feel of his lips on mine.

  I sat up in bed, nauseous all of a sudden.

  What had I done?

  What if Ethan and I did get back together? I was going to have to explain this to him. I didn’t think I could live with keeping this kind of secret.

  He was going to hate me when he found out.

  That would be my fault.

  He had a temper, but I had kissed somebody else.

  What was he going to think of me?

  I should’ve just told Adam that I was fine walking back to my dorm on my own instead of giving in to whatever I’d felt in that moment.

  Instead of walking into the building as soon as we’d reached it, I’d hung back with him. Part of me had wanted to kiss Adam.

  I began crying harder.

  What was wrong with me?

  All this time I kept worrying about my relationship with Ethan finally disintegrating for good. About giving him three years of my life for nothing.

  But this was on me. I had just thrown two and a half years of a relationship away.

  And I’d done it for one kiss. Two. For a guy I’d just met a couple of months ago.

  I’d known Ethan for three years.

  And it felt like I’d cheated on him.

  The last thing I thought about before I fell asleep was that Ethan was never going to forgive me for this.

  I didn’t know if I could.

  Eleven

  After our kiss, Brooklyn was a no-show at tutoring.

  Every so often, I stared at the entrance, hoping I’d see her familiar smile at some point, but no.

  That kiss amidst the rain had been perfect, but maybe it had been different for her after all.

  The more days that passed without a word from her, the more I decided that that had to be it. Maybe it was weird for me to be her math tutor after what had happened between us.

  Or maybe she was having second thoughts about us.

  On Thursday night, after she missed volleyball practice too, I texted her.

  Adam: Hey. Are you okay?

  There was always the chance she was sick or something. Otherwise, to miss both volleyball practice and tutoring?

  She didn’t text me back until later that night.

  Brooklyn: I’m fine. Thanks.

  What was that supposed
to mean?

  She had to be avoiding me.

  Either way, something was up, but I couldn’t be sure what.

  Meanwhile, at lunch, Sara knew something was up with me. “What is it?” she asked.

  “Um, remember Brooklyn? From volleyball?” I said, pushing my food away.

  Sara took a sip of her drink. “About my height? Long wavy hair?”

  I nodded.

  She set her drink down. “Yeah, I remember now. She’s real pretty. Are you guys talking?” she said with a gleam in her eye.

  I looked away. “Nah. Just friends. I tutor her, remember?”

  “Oh, right.” She rested her arms on the table, still staring at me with that smile of hers like she knew something I didn’t.

  I went on, wanting to hear her take. “She has a boyfriend. Or had, I think. I don’t know,” I said, playing with my napkin.

  “Is she nice?” she asked in teasing tone.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, finally looking up at her.

  “You know what it means,” she said. “Is she a nice girl?”

  I nodded. “Totally.”

  “Good. I’m happy to hear that—“ she glanced down for a second. “—I’m happy that you met her. She seems really cool.”

  There was an awkward silence, and I wondered what to say next. Thankfully, Sara steered the conversation away from the topic of the history of us. “So she just got out of a relationship?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, long-term. I guess it’s been hard on her. And I haven’t really seen her lately since…”

  I went back to playing with my napkin. Sara was my closest friend, but it was still difficult to tell her this kind of stuff, especially after crushing on her for so long. But she was also a girl, and I trusted her to tell me what might be going on with Brooklyn.

  “Did something happen between you two? Is that what’s going on?” she said. She picked some fruit off her plate and put it in her mouth.

  I took a deep breath and looked at her. “Yeah, actually.”

  “Oh,” she said, raising a brow. “Maybe that’s what’s going on.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, leaning forward.

  She sipped on her drink again. “Well, think about it. She’s been with somebody else, they just broke up, and now she kissed you.”

  I did think about that for a minute, trying to understand what she was saying. “Oh. I guess I didn’t really think about that.”

  She sighed. “I’m sorry, Adam.”

  And then I really got it.

  Maybe it had been a mistake.

  Not for me, but for Brooklyn.

  Maybe she didn’t feel the same way about me.

  That very real possibility hit me like a ton of bricks to the chest.

  I got up and grabbed my tray, putting my drink on it. “I gotta go. I’ll see you later.”

  Sara called out after me, but I was already somewhere else, at least in my head. All I knew was I had to get out of there.

  I recognized what this was.

  And it sucked.

  It sucked to love somebody and not have that person feel the same way about you.

  This? This thing with Brooklyn?

  It was high school all over again, falling for my best friend only to find out that she’d never feel that way about me.

  That was why Brooklyn hadn’t shown up to tutoring or volleyball.

  Our kiss had been a mistake.

  Twelve

  My phone buzzed in math class, Ethan’s name lighting up the screen.

  I zipped my bag back up, my heart skipping a couple of beats.

  And not in the “butterflies in my stomach” kind of way but the “oh my god, I can’t deal with him right now” kind of way.

  Even though it only buzzed the one time, it became impossible for me to focus after that.

  And I couldn’t afford to not focus in this class. Ever since Adam started tutoring me in calculus, I’d been doing okay in this class.

  I actually understood what most of this TA was talking about, and I was passing assignments.

  Before, I’d even make notes on things that were still confusing me so I could ask Adam about them later at tutoring, but I couldn’t do that anymore.

  I hadn’t been to one of his tutoring sessions in over a week now, and I wasn’t planning on going back.

  Not after what had happened between us.

  I copied down the notes on the board, the pencil in my hand scratching the paper in front of me extra hard, almost to the point of ripping it.

  I stopped clenching my teeth and tried really hard to get back to what the TA was explaining.

  I’d already missed the last minute or so of what he had said because of that stupid text message. And all because I couldn’t take my mind off of Ethan.

  Or Adam.

  My breath hitched—in the good way—as I remembered how that kiss felt. His lips, his smell. His voice.

  I shook my head and kept taking notes.

  No.

  I couldn’t.

  Not now, not ever. I belonged with Ethan. We’d already spent three years together, and we couldn’t give up just like that.

  I kept scribbling.

  But he said we were over…

  Even so, I couldn’t do this to him. Right?

  I’d been with him for so long now. I owed us more than that, more than suddenly having feelings for someone I’d just met.

  I blinked several times, thinking about that.

  Really, they weren’t even feelings. It had just been a kiss. A kiss that should have never happened.

  At the end of class, the TA put up a math problem for us to practice on. He gave a big hint about it likely being on our next quiz at the end of the week.

  I wasn’t even done trying to set it up when he said time was up. He began going over it, and I realized that once again I was completely lost.

  Meanwhile, I tried to control my breathing and clear my throat as I pushed the tears back down.

  Why couldn’t I figure out this stupid math problem?

  Why couldn’t I figure out what was going on with Ethan and me?

  Why couldn’t I get a break for once?

  I finally texted Ethan back a half hour later on my way to my next class.

  He sent a message back right away.

  Ethan: Forget it.

  I tried texting him again. I even called, but it was pretty obvious he was ignoring me because it went straight to voicemail.

  Are you serious right now? I wanted to yell through the screen. I almost missed the bus because I was too busy glaring at my phone.

  I jumped on and found a seat, sticking my phone in my back pocket.

  Forget it? Forget him.

  I brushed the feeling of guilt in my stomach away and told myself that if he wanted to play it like that, fine. His problem.

  I didn’t have time to beg Ethan to talk to me. He caused this, not me.

  As I got off at my stop a few minutes later, my mind started wondering what my life would be like without Ethan, what it would be like to not fight with him all the time.

  But then I realized it would also mean we wouldn’t stay up late watching movies together anymore, under a blanket on his couch. No more kisses under the stars after he drove me home.

  I couldn’t remember the last time we’d done that.

  I walked into the science building, remembering our last in-person conversation.

  No matter what happened, just forgetting everything we’d gone through together was impossible.

  Ethan didn’t text me again until two days later.

  I got his message just as I walked out of my last class of the day.

  Ethan: Hey can we meet up to talk?

  Brooklyn: Okay.

  Ethan: Can’t wait.

  By then, a wall had come up inside me, and even though my eyes watered a bit at that last message, I couldn’t help but purse my lips.

  I was no longer sure my heart still fully trus
ted him.

  He wanted to meet me around dinner time.

  Shelley must have seen me fidgeting because she looked up from her bed where she was reading and said, “You gonna be okay?”

  I’d told her about meeting Ethan.

  I gave her a small smile. “I’ll be fine.”

  “Yes, you will,” she said, reassuring me before going back to her book.

  How did she always know the right thing to say?

  Ethan: I’m outside.

  “I’ll be back later,” I said, grabbing my pocketbook and getting up.

  I left our dorm and walked down the hallway. The building was pretty empty. Most people were at the dining hall for dinner.

  I pushed the button for the elevator, all kinds of thoughts swirling around my head.

  A small voice in the back of my head said maybe it was time to end things with Ethan for good.

  That voice reminded me that I thought things were gonna get better with him when they weren’t. They never did.

  That same voice also told me that maybe I didn’t love him anymore, especially if I’d let that kiss with Adam happen.

  The elevator made a ding as it arrived, and I got in. I rested against the wall of the elevator and bit the inside of my lip.

  What would life be like without Ethan?

  Would I be okay? I had to, right?

  And he would too.

  Maybe we could both finally move on.

  When we had first gotten together and definitely for the first year or two, we’d become better people by being together, but that didn’t seem true anymore.

  Instead, we’d become our worst.

  I thought about the other night, when Ethan had pretty much told me it was over.

  Yes, it had hurt.

  But there had been something else too.

  Just a little bit of relief that the fights would now be over for good.

  The elevator dinged again as it landed on the ground floor.

  The doors slid open. A guy and girl waited to step inside.

  I gave them a quick smile, but they were too focused on each other to notice. Inside, the girl giggled as the guy pecked her with kisses all over her face.

  I stared at them for a second as the doors closed again then I turned around to face the lobby with a sigh.