When You Came Back (Matters of the Heart Book 1) Read online

  I find an empty seat all the way in the back and let myself fall into the seat.

  I think about Brian again. Why would he lie about living here?

  I’m still thinking about that as I step off the bus and walk home. The bus drops me off right at my driveway so it’s a very short walk and then I’m inside.

  I close my eyes and feel the cool air from the AC on my skin. Even though it was a short bus ride, I’m already a little sticky from sweating on the bus. I’m gonna need a shower later.

  I put my backpack down on the couch and head into the kitchen for a snack.

  My aunt Verónica is in there, wiping off counters and putting away ingredients.

  “Hey, tía,” I say, and she turns and smiles at me. She’s a bit taller than me and pretty good-looking considering she’s in her late thirties. She takes pretty good care of herself. But like my mom says, she has the time to since she doesn’t work.

  My uncle, her husband, rents out a few houses and makes money like that so they’ve been pretty well off since he started doing that when I was little and she never really had to work. Now their kids are all grown. They live in the finished basement downstairs, but I don’t talk to them much, and they’re not around much. I’m not as close to my uncle either, but my tía is pretty cool.

  Much preferable to all the snotty high school girls.

  We’ve lived with my aunt and uncle since right around the time I met Brian, actually. A little before. In fourth grade.

  My mom had been on her own for as long as I could remember, but we’d really started having a hard time with bills and stuff, especially after my two younger twin brothers had come along. My aunt and uncle had bought a really big house, well big compared to the mobile home we’d been living in, and had been kind enough to take us in.

  I remember my mom had kept telling my uncle, her big brother, that it was all temporary, but it’s been like almost ten years or something and here we still are.

  My aunt loves helping to take care of my younger brothers since her kids are pretty much adults now. She says it gives her something to do, and I know my mom is grateful for the extra help.

  My tía gives me a huge smile. “How was your first day? I bet it was wonderful.”

  I try to smile back, but it just comes out weird, like I’m constipated or something because it had definitely not been wonderful. I’m definitely not as nice and bubbly as my aunt. She’s like your typical Latina woman pretty much.

  Me? Probably the opposite.

  “It was okay,” I say, opening the fridge.

  “I just put some fruit salad in there. And we have the yogurt that you like,” she says. I grab both out of the fridge along with a bowl and go take a seat at the table.

  “So where are Nicky and Thomas?” I ask.

  My aunt comes and sits next to me, grabs some grapes off of the salad bowl. “In their room. Playing video games, I think.”

  No surprise there. They’re eight, and already, that’s all they do.

  “So any cute boys you want to talk about?” my aunt says with a wink.

  I try not to groan and instead focus on eating my yogurt and fruit. Brian comes to mind for a split second, but I almost shake my head. I don’t know what he is.

  Just someone I used to know, I guess. He’s probably changed a lot. As much as his appearance.

  “Not really,” I say. “Like I’ve said before, all the guys at school are only after one thing. Nothing cute about that.”

  My aunt sighs. “We have to find you someone. I wonder if any of my friends from the gym have sons…and what about that boy you talk to sometimes? What’s his name?” she asks in Spanish.

  “Adam?” I had mentioned him a few times before. “Yeah, we’re just friends.”

  “But he’s nice, right?” she asks. “You never know…”

  “I do know, tía,” I say. “He’s nice and all, but I don’t really like him like that. He might not even be into girls. I don’t know. He’s never had a girlfriend as long as I’ve known him.” I keep eating my snack, but I can see my aunt’s wheels turning. She would love for me to finally have a boyfriend, wear a little more makeup, and ask for advice about boys.

  I get up and take my dirty bowl to the sink. Not this year. Not in high school anyway.

  ###

  I need to talk to Brian. As much as he’s being a jerk right now, pretending he doesn’t know me and hanging out with the popular crowd, maybe he needs a real friend right now.

  Maybe he’s trying to cope with moving back or whatever happened back then and that’s why he’s acting weird.

  The best times to talk to him are during first period, maybe lunch, or P.E. I need to get him by himself somehow, maybe as he’s walking to class, and just go up and try to talk to him.

  I have no idea how to go from, “hi, how are you,” to “why did you move away without saying goodbye,” though.

  I mean, how do you transition to something like that? I’m not even good at small talk.

  I arrive as early as I can to second period World Lit. I’m hoping maybe I can catch Brian as he comes in. My seat is near the door. Maybe I can grab his attention and then…I don’t know what then.

  I’m just doing this on the fly.

  Why? I don’t know. I just know that I have to try.

  I tap my foot as I wait, sitting sideways in my seat so I can see Brian when he comes in.

  But the late bell rings, and he’s still not here. I turn around in my seat as the teacher starts talking. I get out my notebook and start taking notes. A minute later, I’m in the middle of writing something down when the door opens behind me and someone is walking past.

  I look up. It’s Brian.

  He takes a seat and gets out his notebook.

  The teacher walks over to him, trying to be discreet, but all eyes are on them.

  “Brian, do you have a note? Why are you late?”

  Brian glances up at her. “No, sorry. I’m just late.” He pauses. “Couldn’t get my locker open.”

  The teacher purses her lips. “Okay. I’m going to have to mark you tardy.” She gives him one last look and walks down the row, making sure we’re taking notes.

  But I can tell she’s pissed. That’s Mrs. Barnes. She says we give her gray hair.

  I keep waiting for a moment, a chance where I can talk to Brian. He’s only a couple of rows away, but no luck. We’re stuck taking notes most of the class, and then there’s a discussion until the bell. Sometimes, we have a couple of minutes of free time at the end of class but not today, not in Mrs. Barnes’s class.

  Lunch is the same.

  Brian sits with some of the popular kids again, with the girls who are wearing about two pounds of make up, are in desperate need of a sandwich, and don’t know how to do anything besides laugh and push themselves towards someone. And then there are the jocks who can’t pass a test to save their lives. And the preppies, the smart well-dressed guys and girls, good-looking and vain enough to be in this crowd.

  Me? I’m sitting with Adam.

  No need to say the right thing or look just the right way at this table.

  It’s just always been me and him. A couple of people have also sat at our table here and again, but it always ends up being us. Sometimes, the one guy or girl who has nowhere else to sit comes under our wing before figuring out where it is they fit (and that they’re better than us) in the complicated ecosystem that is high school.

  Anyway. Back to Brian.

  I don’t know if he’s officially one of the popular kids or if he’s just this week’s shiny new thing. I mean, he has it all. He has the good looks, and he’s probably ripped underneath his nice shirt. You can tell just from looking at him that he’s the kind of guy that plays a lot of sports.

  Definitely not the boy from fourth grade I remember.

  The girls in our school want to date him.

  The guys at our school want to be him.

  I just want to be his friend again.

 
I can’t help but just stare at him right now. I don’t care if it makes me weird. You know, that weird girl with the glasses that’s always just staring at you.

  I miss Brian.

  I’ve never missed him more than I do now. I miss who we used to be, the two kids who used to hang out, play together, and be inseparable.

  He told me things. I told him things. Fourth grade things, but still. I trusted him.

  I want the old Brian back.

  ###

  I finally get the chance to talk to Brian in P.E. Or rather, Brian finally talks to me.

  We’re outside running laps, presumably because Coach Thompson wants us dead before we reach senior year.

  It’s about a hundred degrees out, and I feel like I can’t breathe.

  My body and running in any way, shape, or form do not mix. It simply rejects the notion.

  My lungs feel like they’re being sliced open. My entire throat aches. I can’t believe I forgot my inhaler in my bag. I’ve never had an asthma attack or anything, but right now, I just need to stop.

  I stop running the trail we’re on, the one behind the school, put my hands on my knees, bend over, and just breathe. I focus on taking deep breaths even though my heart is pounding like a racehorses’s hooves.

  I take a slow deep breath. And then another. And another. Until my heart calms itself, and my chest feels okay again. And my breaths aren’t loud anymore. I push my glasses back up my sweaty nose.

  I don’t let myself rely on my inhaler. The only time I need it is when I’m running, and I’m usually good at stopping before I hit any dangerous point.

  “Are you okay?” I hear.

  I try to keep breathing as I look behind me.

  Brian.

  I nod. Why do you care, I want to say, but I can’t really talk yet.

  I don’t know what to do with myself. Our eyes meet, and then I look away, at the ground, at a couple of people running past us.

  Anything.

  “You have asthma?” he asks. I look back at him.

  “Yeah,” is all I say. And I remember I didn’t get diagnosed until fifth grade.

  “Where’s your inhaler?”

  We step aside so more people can get through the trail. I start power walking, and he follows. I don’t like people staring at me.

  “I forgot it in my locker.” I’m still out of breath.

  “Should I go get it? I don’t mind.”

  “I’m fine now. Thanks.” I glance at him.

  What, he thought I was gonna die, so now he decides he can talk to me?

  But screw me if I’m not?

  I give a slight shake of my head.

  “Why won’t you talk to me?” I ask before I can think about it too much. But I won’t look at him. Way too awkward.

  “I’m talking to you now,” he says.

  I stop, and I turn to look at him. He’s in a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and some gym shorts. I get a look at his toned arms in about half of a half of a second before looking at his face.

  His eyes, his slightly open mouth, and the way he’s still kind of out of breath. They all kill me.

  Even the sweat dripping down his neck.

  But he’s not about to think he can get away with this.

  No way.

  I’m not gonna be one of those girls that lets some guy talk to her only when he feels like it just because he’s cute.

  “You are such an ass,” I say as I walk away.

  Screw him. Yes, I want to know why he moved away all those years ago, but he could have at least said hi at some point in the last couple of days. Acknowledge that we used to be friends.

  “Wait,” he says.

  I stop. And I slowly turn around.

  He bites the inside of his lip. I see a few beads of sweat on his forehead.

  “Sorry. It’s just better this way. I wish I didn’t have to come back, but —”

  “Why did you come back, Brian?” I say, taking a couple of steps toward him. “Why did you have to leave?”

  He takes a small step back and looks away. He sighs.

  “I can’t talk about it. But it’s just better if I stay away from you. From everyone.”

  And with that, he runs away, down the trail, and he’s gone before I can even try to catch up.

  None of this makes sense.

  chapter three

  I can’t seem to think straight after talking to Brian. And Adam notices.

  He notices everything.

  “What happened? What are you thinking about?” he asks in our next class. We have a sub today. So we haven’t been doing much.

  The teacher left one worksheet for us to do, but someone had the awesome idea of splitting up the twenty questions on it and then sending each other pictures of the answers.

  Genius. One moment of various high school social cliques uniting to defeat adversity together.

  So we’ve had nothing to do for the past twenty minutes. Other than vaguely pretend we’re still working but actually talking and/or texting and Snapchatting.

  The sub has been at her desk the whole time anyway. She’s like three years older than us, and she’s been on her phone since she handed this worksheet out.

  Only reason we even did the work was because we have to turn it in, and the teacher specifically said it would be for a grade.

  Back to Adam.

  I shrug. “Brian finally acknowledged my existence, but he pretty much wants nothing to do with me.”

  I stare out the window at the sunny sky.

  “What happened?”

  I explain the gist of it, trying to leave out as much of my asthma ordeal as possible. I hate talking about it.

  “That’s pretty messed up. Did he say why?”

  “I don’t know. He literally ran off like a girl.”

  That makes Adam laugh. “Why?”

  I let out my breath. “I don’t know. He didn’t say.”

  “That guy is so weird. He’s hiding something. Something big. I can sense it.”

  Now I smile. “Are your spidey senses tingling or something?”

  “You know it. Are you gonna try to talk to him again?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. I’m not the type to beg him to talk to me. If he wants to talk to me, he can.”

  He nods. “Exactly.”

  “What about you, Adam? How’s life treatin’ ya?” I ask, kinda bored.

  “Well, I got a job. I start this Saturday.” He gives me a smile.

  “Shut up. Where at?” I’m fidgeting with my pencil now, but I look up at him.

  “That new gas station they’re building, like five minutes from here.”

  “So this means free chips and all-I-can-drink slurpies, right?” I ask.

  “Uh, I need to keep this job.”

  I smile and look at him. “Does it pay good?”

  “Minimum wage, but ya gotta start somewhere I guess. I just wanna start making some money. And I hate being home.”

  I get where he’s coming from. Adam’s never had it easy at home. His parents fight a lot.

  The afternoon announcements finally come on, and we pack up our stuff and head to the door.

  My uncle keeps asking me when I’m gonna get a job. But I see how many hours my mom works, and I don’t want that to be me. Not yet.

  And I’d hate working in a job where I have to talk to people all the time. Adam, he’s good at that. Not me.

  Nope. I’d rather stay job-free as long as I can. Maybe next summer I’ll find somewhere to work. But nothing during the school year. I struggle to turn in stuff on time as it is. And I love the internet too much to give it up to go work somewhere for maybe eight dollars an hour.

  Besides, I don’t ask my mom for money. I help watch my brothers and cousins sometimes for spending money, but that’s it. I could care less about buying nice clothes and all that.

  The bell rings and we walk to the buses.

  Except a car.

  One day, hopefully by senior year, that’s wha
t I want. A car.

  I don’t care how new it is. Hell, it could be a rusty metal box on wheels as long as it runs.

  Because that means I’ll finally be able to get away from all of this.

  ###

  My mind keeps going back to Brian. The sound of his voice. His arms, his hands.

  His eyes.

  He finally looked at me. Acknowledged that he knew me.

  All it took was nearly dying, but it got him to talk to me.

  I want him to keep talking to me.

  It was nice, him talking to me.

  I’m going to talk to him.

  I look at him now.

  He’s sitting at his desk, in Mrs. Barnes’ class. The bell won’t ring for another minute. We’re both early, but half of the class is already here, chatting.

  I stare at him, wondering if I’m really going to make myself do this.

  I take a deep breath. Yes, I am.

  I walk up to Brian. He’s sitting sideways in his desk with his feet propped up on the desk next to his. He’s looking down.

  He hasn’t noticed me.

  Before I stand here any longer just staring and wondering what’s on his mind, I say, “Hey.”

  I stop right there.

  I hate it when this happens. When you don’t think things through and you don’t know that you don’t know what you’re doing until you’re already in that situation.

  Like now.

  Brian finally looks up at me. Slowly.

  Now it’s his turn to stare. I glance around, not able to hold his gaze for more than a couple of seconds.

  Great. Now some other people in here are staring.

  “Hey,” I repeat. I start fidgeting with my hands in front of me, just begging the gods to make him say hi back. Just that. Just hey, and I’ll go back to my seat.

  “Do I know you?” he says, looking back down.

  This guy named Theo starts laughing from a couple rows away.

  I can feel my neck turning hot.

  More people start looking at us.

  I don’t even know what to say at this point. I look back down at Brian. I clench my jaw as I stare daggers at him.

  I turn around and head to my desk without a word.

  I don’t care what the hell happened to Brian.

  He doesn’t get to treat me like this. Despite what the morons in this high school think, no one does.